Pre-Pride Preparation

Ah, it seems like only yesterday,...

I was standing in the middle of WeHo Pride thinking, "Dang, everyone looks so hot... I'm going to prep a lot more  before next year... Next year at Pride, I'm going to look fabulous!"

Yet, it's now a year later,...

*sigh*

And I still don't resemble anything even remotely close to a Karshner triplet (not even the ugly one), and as we face these last final days prior to this weekend's Pride, I've only got one available option:

Damage Control.

Fortunately, due to my previous pre-Pride preparation experiences, I know of four simple steps that we all can take (if you want) to ensure that we not only look... um, well,... "okay"... but also mentally position ourselves for an overall happier Gay Pride Weekend experience.

Please note: I'm writing this more for me than for you, okay?---I don't have any idea how you look/feel and would never assume that I knew what would make you happy.---I'm just tryin' to survive, sweetie.  Kay?---Thanks, honeybunch.

Alrighty then...  Number one:

"Over the next few days, live hyper-healthy."

Eat right.  Get your sleep.  Exercise.

If you don't belong to a gym, do some sit-ups each day at home.  Take the stairs instead of the elevator.  Park your car at the far end of the parking lot, and force yourself to walk.  Skip the milkshakes tonight and have a salad.  Drink lots of water.

Okay.  Yes, you probably won't look any different by the end of the week (if you're not a skinny twink or a muscle boy by now, you won't become one in three days),... but you'll feel better!---And there's a BIG difference between feeling "fat and bloated" and simply feeling "not skinny."---Seriously!

For instance, I personally know that, for me,  if the scale happens to show that I'm even one pound lighter in the morning, it can have a dramatic effect on how I approach the entire day.  (I'll see half a pound less on the scale and find myself looking in the mirror saying, "Wow, I look almost gaunt!")

So, I'm eating healthy, exercising, and striving to just not gain weight before the weekend.---If I can accomplish that,... I probably won't feel like a supermodel,... but I'll, at least, feel less like an unhealthy fat ass.  (I'll be a healthy one! *heh*)

Number Two:  "Capitalize on your strengths"

Everyone has something that's good about them.---Maybe it's your hair,... Maybe it's your body,... Your eyes, your teeth,... Maybe it's just your wit!

Whatever YOUR strength is... strategize on how you can flaunt it!---Now, I assume it's a given that those of you with good bodies will be prepared to whip off your disposable shirts within minutes of your arrival,... but for the rest of us, this step sometimes takes a little more preparation and practice.

I don't have "the body,"... but I've got "okay hair."---So, I've been conditioning, trimming, and primping the whole week.---I've even picked outfits for this weekend based on my hair style.

If you have beautiful eyes, make sure your wearing something to bring out their color.  If ya got a great smile, slap on those Crest Whitening Strips for an even more blinding pearly grin.---If all you think you have is "a sharp wit," then go out and buy a cheap shirt & some iron-ons.  With the right phrase, you can get more attention than some half-naked muscle boy!---For serious!---There will be TONS of those guys there... but only one YOU!

Bottomline: Draw attention to what you like about yourself!---When we focus on what we have, we (and those around us) are less likely to even notice what we lack.

Now, on to... Number Three: 

"Begin desensitizing yourself to hot men NOW"

Let's face it.  You're going to see some hotties that are going to totally make you feel horrible about yourself.---That's a given.---However, you can lessen the shock to your system by voluntarily exposing yourself to beautiful men prior to the weekend. (Honest.)

Go to the gym and compare yourself with the overly-perfect gym bunnies.  Get a copy of Men's Health and look at the pictures while standing naked in front of the mirror.---Just over-load those self-hating neurons in your brain,... and yes,... it's gonna hurt.

The thing is... the sooner you can get used to (and get past) the whole "Dang, he looks so much better then me!" thing,... the sooner you can look at those specimens from a proper perspective... Not "hate"... LUST!  :-)

And finally... Number Four: 

"Know that, at Pride, somebody WILL find you hot"

No matter our look, shape, or age,... at Gay Pride,... there's somebody for everybody!

 

That's one of the best parts of Gay Pride!---There are SO many men there with SO many different preferences and fetishes and tastes... You are GUARENTEED that someone at some point will check you out!

Now, yes,... the person who finds you attractive might not be your cup of tea, but... WHO FREAKIN' CARES?!?!---Sometimes it just feels good to be cruised, doesn't it?!?!

And you might not even notice it!---And that's okay!---Just KNOW it, and I guarantee that your whole weekend will go better!  I promise!

Now, excuse me... Pride is quickly approaching, and... this ole girl is going to bed early tonight (just as I'll be doing the next few nights before this weekend's festivities)...

Cause even the saggiest queen looks better...

...after eight good hours of sleep.  :-)

Peace out.

Comments

[Tony]

Haha, wonderful 4 step prep for gay pride! It could be incorporated for every public function too! A date, a party, going to the mall, loitering outside an ex-boyfriend's house... :)

E-Love.

[Scott]

LOL...so true...so true. My BF and I are hitting Indy Pride this weekend and I have been going through my closet all week trying to figure out what slims my gut the most. I think I will focus on my hair and suprising young looking face (for a 40+ yr old guy). Thanks for the tip!

[Roy]

You are SOOOO RIGHT! Pride, especially Weho's Pride is full of hotties, and it's easy to get caught up in the, "Man, they look soooo much better than I" mentality. But I think you gave some pretty damn good tips on how to prep for Pride with only a few days to spare! I was supposed to be coming down this weekend, but it fell through! Oh well....SF's Pride is right around the corner, so I guess I'll go to my new Pride celebration...Have a good one, and GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Wehomark]

Thank god, there's just enough time for the Botox to kick in.

[Light]

Heehee, great advice. Unfortunately, there's no Gay Pride happenin' in our country (or at least I know of).

[Brian]

Every time I go to pride I get hit on by lesbians and straight women. I think it has something to do with me not taking my shirt off ... is that so wrong? I mean, besides the fact that only women seem to hit on me, even at DC pride.

Hope you had a good weekend
~brian

[halo]

How did your Pride Parade/Festivities go!?? Mine rocked! I'm not the "fabulous" looking one but I have been working out and stuff for a couple weeks so it wasn't horrible.

I didn't even worry about anyone else, I just GOT THE BEADS! WOO!

[Adam]

I want to fuck all these men